i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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