My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
