my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
