I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
