we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
