apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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