I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
