wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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