I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
