I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
