drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
