I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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