drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
