I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
