I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
