I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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