Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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