I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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