I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
