If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
