You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
