you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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