i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
