First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
