now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
