he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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