perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
