Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
