i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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