Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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