Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
