I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
