i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
