STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
