I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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