She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize