A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
