Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
