I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
