I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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