"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
