i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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