She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
