i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
