I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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