well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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