def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
