I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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