It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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