we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
