Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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