Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
