he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
