I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
