I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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