I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
